Baby
by BonnieD
Summary: Is Ryan's sexual past catching up with him?
1. Default Chapter

"Baby" by Bonnie D  
  
Thanks to all who gave feedback on my Trey fic, "Brother's Keeper." Here's a much lighter fic.  
  
I think Ryan's losing his 'bad boy from Chino' cred after spending so much time in the Newport world. I think it's time for a blast from his past to rock him out of complacency. Although the subject matter is serious, I've treated it lightly 'cause that's what I do. Love the comedy, that's what draws me to the show. Also, this was started pre-Thanksgiving visit to the old neighborhood so forget what we learned there. I still like to think of the Atwoods as drifters from one rental to another, not long-term neighbors as they were depicted.  
  
**********  
  
"You Ryan Atwood?" A scruffy girl dressed in knockoffs from Christina Aguilera's superslut wardrobe accosted Ryan as he and Seth walked down the boardwalk toward the Crab Shack where they were going to meet Marissa and Summer.  
  
"Y-yeah," he answered doubtfully, looking at the squirming bundle in her arms. It looked like a bagful of kittens or something.  
  
"She said to give this to you. Said it's yours. She can't take care of it no more," the girl explained, thrusting the bundle at him. "Take it," she commanded.  
  
Automatic response kicked in and stupidly Ryan reached for it. "What...?" Before he got to the "who" part, the girl had released the weight into his arms, turned and was sprinting rapidly away.  
  
"It's yours," she called back over her shoulder as she ran, weaving between people on the crowded boardwalk.  
  
"Wait!" Ryan called. He glanced down at the wiggling bundle and an angry, squinchy face regarded him before bursting into an angry roar. Ryan blinked once in astonishment then looked back up to see the girl's retreating back.  
  
"Hey!" he cried helplessly.  
  
"What's going on?" an equally perplexed Seth asked.  
  
Ryan shoved the baby at him and tore off after the girl. He pelted down the boardwalk, pushing people aside when necessary, but the girl was slippery as a slip 'n' slide and managed to merge into the crowd and disappear from sight between one breath and the next. He was left, turning in circles, scanning faces, with no clue which way to run. Finally he was forced to admit defeat and head back toward Seth and the surprise package.  
  
"This ... this is a baby, Ryan. A baby!" Seth stammered frantically, as he awkwardly held the squalling infant. "Who was that girl?"  
  
"I have no idea," Ryan muttered, taking a last look around, hoping to catch sight of her gaudy skankwear in the crowd. "I've never seen her before."  
  
"Okay," Seth tried to slow his breathing before he hyperventilated, continuing to jiggle the screaming child. "But Ryan...." he said in a calm, reasonable voice. "THIS IS A BABY! Here! You take it!" He pushed the baby back toward Ryan.  
  
Reluctantly Ryan took it and looked at it doubtfully as the little one continued to wail and wave its tiny fists, which had clawed their way from the blanket.  
  
For a moment neither of the boys said anything and they were too shell- shocked to even move. Then Seth shook himself and started thinking aloud.  
  
"Okay," he said again. "Obviously we're in a situation here, but let's not panic. The first thing we need to do is GET THIS KID TO SHUT UP!" His raised voice only promoted the baby's decibel level. Ryan began the jiggling routine with as poor results as Seth.  
  
"And we need to find a cop," Seth continued frantically. "How come there are only cops around when you don't want them, like when you're doing 50 in a 35 zone or accidentally burning down houses?"  
  
"No cops," Ryan interrupted. "I mean, what are we going to say, 'Some girl ditched her baby with us and says it's mine'?"  
  
Seth stared at him. "Yes, Ryan. Yes, that's exactly what we're going to say. That's what one does when someone abandons a baby - goes to the police."  
  
"But..." Ryan began. "What if it is? Mine?"  
  
Seth gave him another stare, openmouthed this time. "Could it be?" he asked.  
  
"NO! I don't know ... I don't think so," Ryan hedged. "It's.... I always used protection ... or almost always ... but ... accidents happen."  
  
Seth nodded sagely. "I'm one myself from what I understand," he agreed. "All right then, how old do you think it is? That should give you some clue who the mother might be. I mean, obviously the girl wouldn't just foist it off on you if you didn't have some connection, right?"  
  
Ryan looked at the baby, who had quieted into snorts and hiccoughing sobs, trying to gauge its age. "Um.... I don't know. It just ... looks like a baby." They both stared hypnotized at the living creature twitching spasmodically in Ryan's grasp.  
  
"There you are!" Marissa's voice came from behind Ryan and she wrapped both arms around his waist. "We got tired of waiting for you and.... What's that?" She peered over his shoulder. "You're babysitting now?" she asked, trying to make all the pieces fit.  
  
"Not exactly," Ryan answered.  
  
"It's not ours. We're just holding it for a friend," Seth quickly replied.  
  
The baby chimed in by ramping back up into full bawling mode.  
  
"I think you're holding it wrong," Marissa smiled, not questioning further. "Here. Let me try." Ryan gratefully surrendered the infant to her and the sobs turned into screams of rage. "Come on, sweetheart. Calm down," Marissa soothed, rocking the child in the cradle of her arms. "No, really, whose is it," she asked over its shrieks.  
  
Summer had been standing back, watching the scene play out, but her natural impatience got the better of her. "Coop, you're not helping. Give it to me," she seized the baby away from Marissa and held it upright, its enraged face peeking over her shoulder. Instantly the crying stopped. "See," she said smugly. "For someone with a little sister, you don't know much about babies. They hate being held on their backs."  
  
The other three watched in amazement the inconceivable sight of Summer mothering a baby. "What?" she asked, returning their looks. "Hey, watch the hair, rugrat," she added to the baby, who had grabbed a fistful of her long dark locks. She gently disentangled its hand.  
  
"So, who are you watching it for? Is it a boy or girl?" Marissa queried.  
  
"An ... old friend ... of Ryan's," Seth quickly invented. "It's a ... boy."  
  
"Girl," Ryan said simultaneously.  
  
"You don't know?" Summer asked unbelievingly.  
  
"No. I mean yes, I thought you said ... yes, it is ... a boy," Ryan stammered.  
  
"Girl," Seth said at the same time.  
  
"All right. What the hell is going on?" Summer cut through their bullshit.  
  
Marissa crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"It's...it's.... We don't know whose it is," Ryan struggled.  
  
"Abandoned," Seth chimed in. "We found it in the ... thing ... on the beach."  
  
"Ryan," Marissa's voice rose warningly.  
  
He squirmed and shifted from foot to foot. His eyes slid away from Marissa's wide-open gaze. "It ... might be mine," he mumbled.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"This girl ... I've never seen her before ... she came up to me, asked if I was Ryan Atwood and handed it," he nodded toward the baby, "to me. Said it was...."  
  
"This all just happened. We don't know anything really," Seth intervened. "Just 'cause some chick said it doesn't make it so."  
  
Marissa looked back and forth between Ryan and the baby, trying to make a connection. "Well ... could it be?" she asked.  
  
"I don't kn....think so," he answered.  
  
"But you're not sure?"  
  
"He's 99.5% sure," Seth helped. "That it isn't," he clarified.  
  
Summer shook her head, pulling a why-am-I-not-surprised face, and swatted the baby's hand away from her carefully made up face when it tried to grab her nose. "And that's how they do it in Chino," she muttered.  
  
Ryan shot her a dark-eyed glare then resumed entreating Marissa. "Look. I don't know what the hell is going on. I'm as confused as you are. I can't begin to think who...." He fell silent as he realized that not knowing who it might be out of numerous sexual partners was, perhaps, not a good thing in Marissa's eyes.  
  
"Whatever," Summer interrupted. "Let's figure out paternity later, all right? Right now we have to take care of the kid because, ew!" She waved a hand in front of her face.  
  
"Diapers. We need diapers," Seth correctly interpreted. "Did you guys drive down here?"  
  
"Do we ever walk?" Summer asked. "Of course we have a car! Come on." She led the way toward the parking lot farther up the beach.  
  
*********  
  
Ryan stared at the multitude of formula choices before him; Isomil, Similac, Prosoybee, Enfamil, with iron, without, added vitamins, lactose- free. His head was beginning to ache when Summer shook his shoulder and thrust the baby back in his arms.  
  
"Take your kid. I think it's starting to leak. If it ruined my new blouse, I'm going to kill you."  
  
Ryan found himself staring into a pair of dark, chocolate drop eyes, much like his own, that regarded him solemnly. He remembered Summer's childcare lesson and held the baby upright. Even so, the bottom lip began to tremble and the tiny eyebrows drew into a scowl.  
  
"I don't think it likes me. You'd better take it back," Ryan said, holding the now smelly little body away from him.  
  
"Yeah, looks like it's gonna blow," Seth agreed. "You've got the touch, Summer. Looks like you're stuck with it. Must be something about the quality of your voice. Maybe its mommy's a whiner too."  
  
"Ooh, look at the tiny little shoes!" Marissa was enraptured by baby booties farther down the aisle. "We've got to pick up new clothes, too, in case it throws up."  
  
"Or leaks," Summer said, examining the front of her pink and black striped tank. "Cohen, hurry up and pick some diapers. It's not rocket science."  
  
Seth returned to studying the relative merits of Luvs versus Pampers. "How do we know what size?" He looked to the baby as if mentally measuring him. "How many pounds do you think, man?" he asked Ryan.  
  
Ryan hefted the grumbling infant, who appeared to have subsided for the moment. "I don't know. Maybe twenty?"  
  
"Sixteen to twenty-four pounds," Seth read. "We have a winner. Size 3."  
  
"Ryan, you have to find out if it's a boy or girl," Marissa complained. "I want to pick out some clothes. Besides we can't keep calling it 'it'."  
  
Ryan obliged, peeling up the stained Tshirt and inserting a finger in the top of the diaper. He pulled it away from the baby's tummy and peeked inside. "Boy," he announced.  
  
The baby watched this procedure with interest for a moment, then must have decided Ryan's finger was too cold or getting too familiar and let out a fresh wave of tears.  
  
"Chrissakes, Ryan," Summer bitched, taking the baby back again. "Pick some formula and bottles. And you," she turned to Seth, "grab some diapers - any diapers." She walked down the aisle to join Marissa in choosing precious little pajamas, undershirts, socks, hats and outfits.  
  
After making their purchases, the gang went to the restrooms to change the baby. Summer insisted that since it was Ryan's problem he could do the changing.  
  
"But aren't girls used to babysitting and...." Seth began.  
  
"I never babysat in my life!" Summer exclaimed.  
  
"I got it," Ryan interrupted the argument. "I used to watch kids for a lady in my old apartment building." He shouldered the now suddenly complacent baby and one of the bags of merchandise and went into the rest room.  
  
"We have to go to the police. You girls know that, right?" Seth started. "Whether the kid is really Ryan's or not, people just can't go around abandoning babies with other people."  
  
"I think," Marissa said, "we should go to your parents first. Your dad will know what to do."  
  
"They may be kind of hard to reach today. We're on break, but they have appointments and meetings and stuff all day."  
  
"Well, we should go back to your house, anyway."  
  
Seth nodded agreement. He looked up at the men's room door and muttered to himself, "Poor Ryan."  
  
"What about 'poor girl who got deserted'," Summer put in, hands on hips.  
  
"Ryan didn't know," Marissa interceded. "We can't blame him. And it might not even be, you know ... his." But her pale face and worried eyes revealed that for the first time she was beginning to realize the possibility.  
  
Ryan emerged in another minute with a freshly changed and newly dressed baby riding high in one arm. If the whole situation hadn't been so horrifying, Marissa would have appreciated how adorable he looked carrying the baby. It was decked out in blue corduroy overalls and a shirt with trains on it - Summer's pick - and was staring at them all with wide, black- olive eyes. When he saw Summer, a toothless smile spread over his face and he reached out for her.  
  
"All right. That kid must be possessed or something," Seth said. "What is the attraction, Summer? I mean, I know what the attraction is for me, but...."  
  
"Shut up, Cohen. We all have talents and I happen to be a baby person," Summer said, airily, accepting the little one. "They always like me. I don't know why because I don't particularly like them."  
  
"Amazing!" Seth shook his head, as the baby began to chortle - yes, actually chortle - with glee in Summer's arms.  
  
"It's a gift." She shrugged then said, "Come on!" and turning, led the way to the car.  
  
To be continued....  
  
Why does Summer have power over babies you ask? Is it because she has secret reserves of tenderness under her brittle exterior and they recognize that? Or is it because I thought it would be a funny quirk? 


	2. 2

"Baby" - chapter 2 by BonnieD  
  
In which the seriousness of the situation begins to hit the gang and the Cohen parents take charge. Notes: Like everyone else, I'm confused about whether Ryan is supposed to be 16 or 17 (especially since he looks about 30!), so if the paternity math doesn't work right for you, make your own changes. I actually looked up paternity tests online and found you can order one to take at home - if you're in no big hurry to find out. I don't know how quickly you could get your doctor to order lab work done but the Cohens' doctor is very obedient to their wishes and gets right on it.  
  
*********  
  
"You know," Seth said thoughtfully, stuffing another Dorito into his mouth. "It's like that great modern parable 'Halloween'. I think Ryan serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of teenage sex."  
  
"Not helping," Ryan snapped, glowering at him.  
  
"Sorry. Humor under pressure, it's my shield."  
  
"Inappropriate humor," Summer chimed in. "It's what makes you the geek you are today." She absently patted the baby's back. He was passed out, mouth open and drooling, on her chest. Seth took a moment to wish it was his head resting on those soft, pillowy breasts.  
  
"So what are we going to do?" Summer continued with a sigh and an eye roll. "Just sit around the Cohens' living room all afternoon feeling sorry for Ryan? 'Cause I'm bored already."  
  
"You guys don't have to hang," Ryan assured her coolly. "If you want to go...."  
  
"Summer!" Marissa surged to her feet and stood at Ryan's left like a lioness protecting her young. "I've had enough of you two cracking jokes," she glared at Seth, "and being ... non-supportive," she turned her frown on Summer. "This is serious! Ryan's in real trouble and if you can't be better friends than this...."  
  
"You're right, Marissa," Seth soothed. "I'm deficient as a surrogate brother. But please chill, okay? I left a voice message for my dad and there's nothing else we can do right now."  
  
"Your dad," Ryan repeated faintly. "Not looking forward to that conversation." He looked pale and tense. It was obvious that facing the Cohen parentals with the news was nearly as appalling to him as the fact of the baby itself.  
  
Marissa, meanwhile, felt like a tennis ball at a Williams sisters' match. She alternated between overwhelming compassion for Ryan's turmoil and irrational fury that he could have created such a situation for himself. It was very confusing and she felt tears threatening to well and spill.  
  
"Sorry." Summer sounded chastened. "I didn't mean to come off as such a bitch."  
  
"Well you never MEAN to Summer," Seth remarked.  
  
She cast him a withering glance. "Anyway," she added. "I know it's scary ... and rough." She looked at Marissa. "I never told you because it was supposed to be a big secret, which everyone found out about anyway, but I went with Vickie Driscoll when she had her abortion? Yeah," she nodded at Marissa's surprised look, "I can keep secrets, too. But the point is - it was awful! She cried and cried, before, during and after."  
  
"Vickie Driscoll had an abortion?!" Seth asked.  
  
"So, okay," Summer continued, "I know this is serious. I just ... get bitchy when I get nervous." Marissa nodded and smiled slightly - apology accepted.  
  
"You must be nervous a lot," Seth murmured.  
  
"I'll take the baby for a while," Ryan offered. "Looks like he's getting kinda heavy."  
  
"Well, we don't have to hold him every second," Summer replied. "Seth, why don't you get some pillows and blankets and make a little nest on the floor."  
  
Marissa was already on her feet so she took the baby in her arms, careful not to wake it, and Summer went to help Seth create a makeshift pallet. Sitting down next to Ryan on the couch, Marissa marveled at the infant's perfect features. Ryan leaned in next to her and touched the miniature fist with a fingertip. Instinctively the baby unfurled its tiny digits and grasped Ryan's finger, eliciting an "awww" from Marissa.  
  
"Hm. Strong," Ryan noted, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly as the baby gave a firm squeeze.  
  
"He's adorable," Marissa whispered. "So precious. How could anyone just...."  
  
"I don't know," he murmured back. "Sometimes, I guess, moms just can't cope."  
  
He paused then began a confession of sorts. "You must be pretty pissed at me. I mean, you knew I had some ... girls ... in the past, and I swear there weren't that many and I wasn't usually careless, but still, once in a while...."  
  
Marissa said almost curtly. "You don't have to explain anything to me." And it sounded like she meant 'I really don't want to know this' so he fell silent.  
  
The phone rang and Seth dropped the blanket he was folding and snatched it up.  
  
"Hey, dad," he began, "we have kind of a crisis here...."  
  
**********  
  
"Can you remember anything else about what the girl looked like?" Sandy asked, pacing a bit.  
  
"Does it matter, dad?" Seth countered. "From what she said she was just the delivery girl."  
  
"Maybe," he said thoughtfully.  
  
Kirsten ran her hand distractedly through her hair and blew out a long breath. "Ryan," she began delicately. "You need to think about ... who you spent time with anywhere from a year and a half to two years ago." She looked at the baby, who was lying in her arms staring at her as he sucked down a bottle. "I don't think he could be much older than a year or much younger than eighteen months, but I'm not good at judging age. It's been a long time since Seth was a baby."  
  
Ryan nodded and tried to think. The summer he'd turned fourteen he'd been initiated into the wonderful world of sex by an obliging neighbor girl and also discovered the wonderful world of pot thanks to Trey. As a result, that whole summer and part of the following school year were kind of a long hazy interlude. There'd been parties, pot and people - a lot of events and names he could barely remember.  
  
It had taken only a moment of bright-eyed clarity one evening, seeing A.J. sitting pot-bellied and vacant eyed in his ratty armchair, beer in one hand, weed in the other, to snap Ryan out of his self-destructive phase. 'I will not turn into that,' he had silently sworn and his misbehavior had turned on a dime. He threw himself back into schoolwork and sports and stopped trailing after Trey and his stoner friends.  
  
But during that time, who had there been? Christy. Michelle. That dark haired girl, what was her name? Tina or Trina. And, oh yeah, Juan's sister, April. Only that hadn't exactly come to fruition since he'd passed out in the middle of it, so he could probably scratch her from the list.  
  
"I have a couple of ideas," he said uncomfortably. "But...."  
  
"But first we need to have a paternity test," Sandy said. "If it comes down to culpability, I want to go into it knowing what we're dealing with. I'll call Dr. Bratt's office."  
  
"Don't you think we ought to call the police?" asked Kirsten. "It's been ... how many hours now? The longer we wait...."  
  
"Not yet," Sandy answered and flipped open his cell.  
  
Ryan sat silent and mortified, feeling like the slime from the bottom of a forgotten cereal bowl, as they discussed his problem. He was relieved that Marissa and Summer had vanished the moment the Cohens had arrived. He didn't need to have his personal history dissected before any more people than necessary. He kind of wished Seth would make himself scarce, too.  
  
As if reading his mind, Kirsten suddenly said, "Seth, honey, can you go to your room? I'd like to talk to Ryan alone."  
  
For once without a snide comment or smartass aside, Seth followed her direction. With Sandy on the phone in the other room, Kirsten and Ryan were left alone. His insides started to squirm and he took back his wish that Seth would disappear.  
  
"I'm ... sorry," he finally broke the silence.  
  
"Well, we don't know yet if the baby is yours," Kirsten justified. "This may still work itself out. No need to worry yet."  
  
Ryan nodded dumbly. He wanted to go further, proclaim his apologies for the trouble that seemed to follow him like an unwanted stray dog, but he didn't have the words.  
  
Kirsten, seeing his miserable face, gave him a reassuring smile. "One thing at a time, Ryan. Don't panic. I just wanted to let you know that, whatever happens, we'll help you deal with it. Okay?"  
  
Her supportive words managed to make him feel even more miserable and, rather than break down and bawl, he clenched his jaw tighter and nodded again.  
  
Sandy returned. "Dr. Bratt will fax an order for paternity testing to the lab. We can take Ryan and the baby there tomorrow morning and should have results later in the day. Meanwhile," he focused on Ryan, "I want you to compile a list of names, addresses and phone numbers - dates, too, if you're able."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Before we take this to the police, I want to make sure we're armed with as much information as possible." He paused. "And if we're lucky, we can get it cleared up without any police involvement at all."  
  
**********  
  
"I'm okay. They were really good about it. Yeah ... Gotta love the Cohens. Uh huh," Ryan glanced at the baby lying next to him on the bed. "He's been asleep for a couple of hours now. I hope that doesn't mean he'll be awake all night."  
  
He listened to Marissa and shook his head although she couldn't see it. "No! No, you were fine. You had every reason to be upset. Actually I thought you'd be even more pissed."  
  
"Mm-hm. I should know one way or another by the end of tomorrow." He listened again. "Thanks. Yeah, I, uh, love you too." He pressed End and stared at the phone in his hand for a moment. He had said them - the words of commitment - and he didn't even know if he meant them yet. But what else could you say when someone told you they loved you? Especially when they offered it in the middle of a crisis when you most needed to hear it.  
  
He sighed and tossed the phone aside then rolled over, propping his head on one hand and looking down at his potential progeny. Despite Kirsten's protests he had insisted on keeping the baby with him tonight. It was his problem and he didn't want to inflict a sleepless night on her if the baby was restless. He knew how to warm bottles and change diapers and walk with a colicky infant. He'd done all those things when he watched Angela Dubay's kids.  
  
Angela was their neighbor when they used to live in the apartment on Sorrito Drive. She was a single mother with four kids from four different dads and she couldn't afford to pay squat but Dawn had insisted Ryan be neighborly and help her out. Since he was too young to have a real job and needed the money to keep him in baseball cards, he complied. Turned out the older kids were pretty obedient and even kind of fun to play with and he quickly learned how to keep the baby quiet by keeping it permanently affixed to his hip.  
  
'So,' he thought, running a finger over the child's soft, downy hair, 'if I have to, I can do this.'  
  
'And if you have to for the rest of your life?' an inner voice asked.  
  
'I can do that, too,' he answered it.  
  
To be continued.....  
  
(Actually, I think it would be more likely the Cohens would contact the police right away, but I didn't want the baby to go into 'the system' never to be seen in our story again.) 


	3. 3

"Baby" Chapter 3  
  
This is a brief installment. And I mean very brief! But despite a serious writer's block I figured I'd better add to and post this little smidgeon so people wouldn't think I'd totally abandoned the story. I thought I had, but I guess I haven't and will try to work through the blankness and come up with a resolution. Please be patient OR if you're a writer and want to play tag team and take up the tale, contact me BonnieD at bondav40@yahoo.com.  
  
*********  
  
Ryan opened bleary eyes and tried to focus on the restless, snuffling creature lying next to him. What the hell did it want now?  
  
Over the past eight hours he had changed, fed, burped, walked, rocked, and yes, even sung to the little bugger. Ryan had only managed a few hours sleep the whole night and, since he wasn't by nature a morning person anyway, he was definitely not ready to welcome the new day. But Baby would not be denied and was rapidly ramping up to a full throttle wail.  
  
Sighing, Ryan sat up and lifted the infant into his arms - again. Checked the diaper - again. Put the baby to his shoulder and patted its back - again. Then he rose and headed to the house to make another bottle and to see if anyone else was up yet.  
  
"Hey," Kirsten said, as he entered the kitchen. She was pulling mugs from the cupboard while the coffeemaker percolated cheerfully away.  
  
"Hey," he mumbled, reaching for a can of formula on the counter.  
  
Kirsten glanced at him and smiled sympathetically. "Rough night?"  
  
"A little," he admitted.  
  
"Let me take him," she said, watching Ryan try to fill a bottle one handed. He gratefully surrendered the baby to her.  
  
"Hi, sweetheart," she cooed. He gurgled happily and grabbed at her face. "It's easy to forget that babies are little imps hidden in angel skins," Kirsten continued, intercepting the grab and kissing the baby's miniature fist. "Seth never gave me a moment's peace from the day he was born until he learned how to read and could finally entertain himself for more than two minutes at a time. And, of course, he never stopped talking since he learned how to put words together."  
  
"He does love to hear himself talk," Ryan agreed, placing the bottle in the microwave and setting the timer.  
  
"Who?" Seth demanded, bounding into the kitchen. "Dad? It's the curse of the lawyer. There's nothing they enjoy more then pontificating, unless it's orating or spouting rhetoric. That's my dad! I'm glad I don't suffer from long windedness. People should know when less is more, you know?"  
  
Ryan and Kirsten exchanged an amused glance. Seth moved toward his mom and gave the baby's cheek a friendly pinch, for which he received a baleful glare.  
  
"I know what you mean, dude," Seth said. "I have a grandma in New York who's a cheek pincher and I hate it, too. Sorry." He turned to Ryan and cleared his throat nervously. "So, big day, huh? Want me to come with?"  
  
Ryan shrugged. "Sure." Again he was torn between wanting his friend's support and feeling overwhelmed at the idea of dealing with his crisis while listening to Seth's steady babble. "If you want."  
  
"I want," Seth assured. His voice suddenly took on the most serious tone Ryan had ever heard him use. "And hey, I, uh, just want you to know that however this comes out you're not alone." He flushed with embarrassment at his own gravity and quickly turned his attention to removing the twist tie from the bagel bag.  
  
Kirsten confirmed the sentiment with a brief nod and smile at Ryan, as she continued to jostle the irritable baby in her arms.  
  
Ryan felt his own face grow warm at the show of support. "Thanks," he mumbled unintelligibly. Just then the microwave timer pinged and he gratefully turned to take the bottle out and test the warmth of the liquid.  
  
"All right," Seth said, briskly slapping his bagel halves into the toaster. "'Nuf maudlin sharing so early in the morning. Anyone besides me want a bagel? 'Cause there's only one of the cinnamon-raisin left, then we have to break into the bran muffins mom bought when she was on one of her health conscious kicks."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with the bran muffins, Seth. You haven't even tried them," Kirsten began with a grimace.  
  
"I haven't tried stewed prunes either but then I'm not in the geriatric ward yet," he answered sweetly.  
  
As the daily banter flowed comfortably around him, Ryan took the baby back from Kirsten and began feeding him. The little guy stared up at him with black button eyes and a concentrated frown as he sucked furiously on the bottle. Its little hands flailed the air for a moment then settled with one small fist grasping Ryan's shirtfront, twisting the material, and the other clutching the bottle.  
  
With a sudden click something shifted and moved inside Ryan. He felt a sharp pain in his chest and his throat seemed to swell shut so he could hardly swallow. In the tumultuous past twenty-some hours one thing had never occurred to him. Not really. Not to the point where it held any resonance for him. But it hit him now with the force of a dump truck. This could be his child. His son.  
  
The revelation was overwhelming, creepy, horrible, outrageous, but also somehow, in some warped way, wonderful. He felt an unexpected surge of emotion and wondered if this was what they meant when they talked about bonding.  
  
To be continued.... 


End file.
